I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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