Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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