Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
