What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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