I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
