I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
