I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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