You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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