Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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