Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
