"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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