i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
