The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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