I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
