I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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