sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
