Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Oh god it's open bar.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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