Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
