you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
