I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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