Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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