brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
