Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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