And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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