fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
