She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
