I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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