i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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