good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
