I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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