bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
