god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
