I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
