I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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