Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
