census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
