Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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