I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
