I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
