So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
