I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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