I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
