i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
