Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
