this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
