I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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