you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
