I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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