Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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