So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my sisters under your porch take her home
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
