i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
