Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
