Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
