This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
