who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
jump out the window naked night went bad
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
