Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
