ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
