Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
