I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
