I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
false alarm, still single
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
