just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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