i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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