Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize