i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
